Pray (or Prey)

Praying-a touchy subject in today's society. The act is subject to so many questions and important issues. Let's make a list:

1. Is it ok to pray if you're about to be attacked by a bird of prey? Surely it is if the bird is large enough. Or do the two homonyms cancel out each other making the act impossible? What if the praying bird of prey sees you as prey that it needs to live so it's praying for you to show up and you've answered its prayers? Did your mind just explode?

2. Is it ok to pray for something you don't really need? For example: The other day I was in a tight spot...I had a bad candy craving and was miles away from the nearest chocolate confectionary. I prayed that the local re-fueling station would contain some of the more delectable delights. I was pleasently surpirsed by the over abundance of fine swiss buttermilk nougat squares upon entering. When I left the station I noticed large dark cumulonimbus clouds had gathered. I was promptly struck by lightning twelve times. In the face.

3. What's the limit on prayers per day? Can you do as many as you want? What if you pray too much and too hard? What happens if you pray too hard? Is it like drinking that bottle in your car you thought was grape juice but it was dark and really it was 10W-40?

4. Do animals pray? If so...should they have their own animal church? In these so called "animal churches" do the mammals discriminate against the reptiles and make them build their own church? What about marsupials? What's their deal? Certainly they're going to hell...right?

5. Finally, what should a person pray to? Robots? I always get confused with this part. Usually I end up praying to John Madden . Is this wrong?

They're BAAAaaack

T U R T L E power

Have you ever been to THE EDGE!?

You are in a smoke filled room. There are lights swirling around you. People everywhere. The techno beat vibrates through every part of your body. You're at THE EDGE.

At THE EDGE the only lights are neon green and red. There are no windows. There are also no doors. No one talks at THE EDGE, there is no time for talking. The music is played so loud that you can't hear it. There are no chairs at THE EDGE, you must dance at all times. Not only is dancing manditory, it is enforced. At THE EDGE you can not go to the bathroom, there are none. Everyone at THE EDGE must where sunglasses at all times. You don't ever leave THE EDGE, that is impossible. You also can not go to THE EDGE.

You either are THE EDGE...

or not...

illegalo

Ever done something illegal? I'm not talking about "maybe I used a little too much shampoo" illegal. I'm talking real time. I'm talking straight from the streets. I do something illegal pretty much everyday...sometimes twice a day. Before I even wake up in the morning I've committed a felony...usually. It wasn't always this way though. I used to be a law abiding citizen. But then they started making bear hunting illegal. Now, I'm not saying I go out of my way to hunt bears. But, if a bear happens to walk into the meat trap in my backyard and find itself caged in darkness, I won't complain. -See the problem with bears is, you think they're fun, and maybe they are, for a while. Then comes the pollution. I had a really clean stream on my property. When the bears wash off and get all their dirt and wet paint in my stream, the eco-system heads into a tailspin. I'm all for bears when they're just hanging out, being normal bears, cleaning my windshield, doing community service. But pollution is one step too far in my opinion. So next time you see a little cub trapped in the spike pit around my driveway, ask yourself, which do I need more in life, fur or water? I know which side I'm on...the wet one.