WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM

"17,000 whales missing off the coast of Canada"

The title instantly grabs your attention, jerking you out of your seat, demanding answers.
Where are they?
Who could have them?
Are they real?

Usually I don't weigh in with my own opinion on trendy current events like this one but tonight, I make a special exception.

Where are the whales?
Try in your own back yard.
They're already there and they've been there for years, some underground, some in trees. The thing about whales is, when they get up and go to a new habitat, they spread like wildfire. So if you haven't seen a whale at your birdfeeder yet, they will be within hours. Also, if you see any suspicious whale costumes this Halloween...there's a reason little gordon is slicked up and spouting out his blowhole for candy...he's a real whale. Get your head around it. And get the harpoons ready.