ANOTHER DIVORCE

See that picture? That's me at the club. All decked out in my orange vinyl jumpsuit. That's where the tragedy occurred. The DIVORCE. Well the fight leading up to it at least. For those of you playing the home game this is my seventh divorce. You think that they would get easier with practice. But no, every one seems to be like a train hitting a bunch of baby cows and derailing into a field and then rolling into a lake...and then fighting the gators in the lake as you try to make it to the surface...and then losing to the gators in the final gator war between man and gator. Gator.
Anyway so here I was, at Club Sexuality with my good friends and my girl Beconah (in the picture, yelling at me) when this hot girl starts getting all up ons while they're playing that new Nick Lachey track. I try to tell her that I'm married but the music is too loud...then the lasers start going and I can't focus and next thing I know things are getting pretty inappropriate. Let's just say touching...of regions. So Beconah comes over from the bar and finds me like this and I know I'm in some serious trouble. It's bad enough that this happened but get this. Two days earlier I accidentally threw away her dvd collection of Grey's Anatomy. And a week before that I forget to buy her herbal essence. This was the last straw for her. She starts yelling at me in front of everyone "You scoundrel...you dog...I can't even look at you...you make me want to turn away...I can't even speak...I'm divorci..." was the last thing I heard as the next track came on.
So here it is. Another year, another divorce. And it's not even that I mind. I've got enough money in the real estate market.
It's the kids.
They always lose.
When Hector asks his papa, when will momma Beconah be home and all I can do is feed him more wonderbread...my tears never fail to flow.
So please, next time you go out to the club with your girl...don't wear vinyl tracksuits...you'll end up losing that lakehouse.