ANDRE

Don't think I don't bleed for Arthur Ashe and his arena. I was there in '73 when we held off the floods in Montreal and I'll be there when they unfreeze him. But the tantrum that Andre Agassi threw at the end of his last match ever this past US Open will forever bring shame to the Ashe name. Now, if you're a junior tennis "phenom" like me, then I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. At the end of his shameful, shameful loss, Agassi wept like a child. OK fine, I'll let that slide...showing tears on the court is very offensive and the Inca's killed for less during handball matches but hey...he won a few things or something so he deserves some emotional time. Then he gave a nice speech to the crowd...ok that's fine too. Next he gave final goodbye waves and left the court. Sounds fine, right? Well, if you left your tv on long enough (and were on the ATATT channel-All Tennis All The Time) you would have witnessed one of the most shocking events in sports history. Agassi came back on the court after about twenty minutes, and started lighting the net on fire with a barbacue lighter while dropping multiple "N" words on the remaining crowd (mostly "Nicaragua" and "Neoprene"). Then he went into the umpires chair and used the blow horn to sing a complete rendition of "Cry me a river" by JT (my dawg) to the audience. Finally, in a last hurrah, he swept the court with his tennis bag and yelled "NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN ALL THE FILTH IN ASHE'S HOUSE BECAUSE THE DOGS MADE IT DIRTY".
I was shocked
I had to leave the room
I can only think of one other thing that really made me this upset
and that was something I try to forget
getting kicked out of CP UNIVERSITY
and that was only a little more shocking...but it did really get to me...I mean how am I going to feed my kids now without that CP diploma of technical sledding?...MotherF****r's