Ninjas-who knew?

I just want to remind people that ninjas are always around
so please take care to stay off the lawns of neighbors and watch the bunkers on hole 3

thanks and have a super one

Mo money, mo problems

Well, it has been a long long time since I last posted upon this blog. So, I'll get straight to the point. Stifle your laughs...this new post isn't funny. It's deadly serious. Seriously...stop laughing.
I said laughing needs to stop.
ok I'll wait
good

The other day I'm just walkin around...in this videogame...just walkin...just having a stroll...lookin at crates...lookin at the scenery-when I realize, hey, there's a lot of russian vodka lying around and...what's that? It doesn't belong to anyone? Well...one drop couldn't hurt...if it helps with the chronic arthritus right? I take a little sip...one more...a few more...I grab a nearby bottle of champaign...and then I realize...the screen is blurry...I can't see my health bar...I can't find my new objective...
I am
an alcoholic
in a way

I can't help myself...anytime I see a new bottle (in Bioshock) I have to drink
and drink I do
maybe it's because I miss my family that doesn't exist (OOOPS -PLOT POINT)

or maybe it's the whales

Liberty, Democracy, Astley

Some say it was Ronald Reagan's decisive diplomacy that ended the Cold War. Others say it was the philanthropic humanitarian aid of the Pope John Paul II. I would just ask you to take a look at this guy.



Rick Astley, a man, a myth, a god. Bursting into the music scene in 1987 with his hit Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick made the world stop and think. With lyrics like, "We've know each other for so long" and, "Inside we both know whats been going on" it's easy to see how this is alluding to the geopolitical strife that was encompassing the world. Rick wasn't about to give up, and neither was freedom.

Now you won't find this kind of information in a "book" or "legitimate news source". But Never Gonna Give You Up was more than just a number 1 single on the Billboard 100... it was a number 1 single for America.

Happy Jewonika

Well you know what time it is
Time to get the old hotmail account registered
Time to call that old gym teacher
Time to tune up that steering wheel
oh yes
It's Jewonika all week long
(Feb 1st to Feb 7th)
during the week of Jewonika (I'm jewish I should know) you are only allowed to eat and say the following things: bolonga, fudge, low-fat lays cool ranch, gatorade ice rain tundra berry and tofu lobster
you try getting your point across about global ethics in debate class using only the words tofu lobster and gatorade ice rain tundra berry...try it
they say the point of this holiday is to bring the families together. But I would ask what families? The families of mice living in my house eating my fudge before I can get to it? Because I would definitely prefer them to be divorced. And move out of my house in a heated argument that involves cheese and traps.
Anyway I'm off base
Remember drive safe this week
that tundra berry is illegal to minors for a reason.

Limit This

Ever wonder what it would be like to be baked inside a birthday cake only to bust out as the candles were extinguished? Would it be as ELECTRIC as you invision it? Would the confectioner’s oven be large enough, and would your Kevlar jacket Dupont you to freedom?

The answer… YES. (bash piñata) Quick grab the candies!

Now that you have liberated your loot from its papier-mâché prison unwrap a tootsie roll and ask yourself a deep and philosophical question. Am I a finite vessel? Ever since the tender age of five you’ve been told, “ You can do it Johnny! The world is yours. If you can believe it, you can achieve it. The sky’s the limit” But is it? Isn’t life like Need for Speed? As you add to acceleration you limit handling, give a few notches to the top speed bar and take away from your brakes. Maybe try Madden on for size. Create a player, add to toughness, subtract leadership, add to speed, subtract agility. Mario Kart? Peach has the speed but Bowser has the Power. Life's a give and take, we can't have it all. So throw a party, get baked into a cake, and eat it too.

Philosophy majors I’m not done yet. Here's the catch. Do you go for the homerun or play small ball? It all begs a bigger question, does chemistry beget success or does success cause chemistry? Get to it.

Ten Hot Tips

June 14th is right around the corner so here are some Flag Day tips for you and yours...

1) Start early. It’s always a relief to get your shopping out of the way so you can focus on what is really important, your family.
2) Always plan for more guests then you planned for, after all, we all know you can never have enough eggnog.
3) Dress warm, nothing is more disappointing then being ill during the holiday season.
4) Tell your loved ones how you feel. It’s the best present you can give.
5) Keep your decorations classy; don’t go overboard.
6) Make sure you thank those who made the holiday a special one. Giving thanks is a way of reinforcing the behavior though positive modification.
7) Remember what the holiday means. Celebrate its essence.
8) If you have kids, show them how you used to celebrate the holiday with your parents.
9) Every one is stressed out over the holiday. Don’t let others stress get to you.
10) Love it, and have a merry Flag Day!

Space Dreams

Most people don’t know this but I’m an amateur astronaut. At the tender age of five my pops found me flying my kite in the solar wind. It wasn’t that I was extraterrestrial, like most astronauts, it’s just that I had this lunar module that I couldn’t get off my mind. Early mornings before school my mom would wake me up, I’d jump in the shower, take a quick trip to mars, and then pour myself a bowl of Honey Comb. At school, my friends wanted to play, or do drugs, or learn, all I did was moon buggy. Once it was legal, I started on asteroids… just the outer belt. After college on the sun, I met my wife at the international space station. When I saw her sitting in that Starbucks, sipping zero gravity latté, I knew our shuttle would last forever. Honeymoon on the ring planet. I got an interplanetary nine to five, and a nice condo in a suburban solar system. Now we have three adorable moonbeams.

Why am I still angry? Space lice? Martian traffic? Shaving? NO.

I’m angry because space is cold, dark, and mostly full of nothing.

Robotmastrash

So I was at the local pharmacy the other day just purchasing some cough drops because I'm deathly ill. Apparently around these parts there's something called "winter" that comes every year. I'm sorry but I'm used to tropics with penguins and unlimited supplies of beach. My system can't handle the stress of building fire to fend off the coyotes that now stalk my house at night. Anyway I'm getting off topic. So I was paying with my debit card when the machine asked me to input my "special code". "Special code?" I thought to myself, as I pondered what it meant. Then it dawned on me. November. Going into December. December has Christmas in it. Christmas was the birth of Jesus who invented robotics. Robots have wars. They need codes for the wars. Another robot war is upon us.
Do you follow me?
Good.

Because I'm deathly ill I'm turning this into a two parter

...Part 2:

I read this article online recently about a "vortex of trash" in the ocean to the northwest of Hawaii-here's the link:
(You have to copy and paste it cause I'm rusty with my java html scripting)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061105/sc_nm/environment_plastic_dc

So here's my question: If you can stand on this Texas-sized trash continent in the Pacific, can it be claimed? Can I go there and start a new world of floating trash nomads? (basically "Waterworld") Would there be laws or could it be like a psudeo western samurai battle ground where only the sword ruled until we figured out how to make plastic trash guns? Did all the whales pack up and move to trashland already? Can I go fight them there?
I've clearly taken too many advil.
So until next time, stay literate, and keep using the wonders of computers for youtube clip watching (those Borat clips are HILarious!)