Criminal Illegalo?

Ever had your passport go through the wash? Ever not been able to get back to your home country because you are now an illegal immigrant? If so, don't worry, you'll just have to work the rest of your life pirating in Sumatra...I'll see you out on the high seas.

Rules for pirating:

1. Always make sure you have a good ship...name it something catchy and piratey like...Duncan or The Wandering Swan

2. Use all of your time plotting ways to get gold bullion. Whether it's from another boat or a bag of chocolate candy coins is up to you.

3. Call everyone around you "Matey". If this doesn't go over well, use a stick as a peg leg and tell your mateys how you lost it in the feeding frenzy of '83. Your story of bravado will prevent the beatings you would surely recieve from calling everyone "matey".

4. Find a good ship to plunder. This is key. Don't start too big...not a cruise ship...for your first gig you need a small ship that is well known. Here are some options: A paddle boat driven by Mariah Carey or celebrity of choice, a canoe, an innertube, or a Japanese Whaling vessel.

5. Finally, make a pirate oath. This should be a drawn out decleration of allegiance to the pirate god Sven. Proclaim your undying loyalty to him. Send him snacks on July 3rd (pirate day) and remember to hold a meeting discussing how you can do better to serve him next year.